The Russians Have Done it Again!

It has been awhile since my last post....and as I keep saying I will try to post on a regular basis, life just won't let me...so fuck it....I'll do it when I can.



I came across this website while looking for something else, and it ranks right up there with Urine therapy. Its a method for Penis enlargement called "Andro-Penis". It uses a method based on the principle of "lengthening" as in the necks of the women of the Paduang tribe of Burma. It uses this device that incrementally stretches the penis over time to give it increased length and girth (it says it averages about 5 cm in length, which is approximately 2 inches, and 1 cm in girth, which is about a half an inch). It also claims a 97.5% success rate. Of course, the one thing it lacks are before and after pictures....just diagrams......hmmmmm....




The cost is 8000 rubles, which is about $300 US. Not bad for a ring of plastic, some springs and extenders. You can wear it under your clothes, and expand while you work! I think this is just a brilliant device. Between this and urine therapy, one cannot fail!!!

So, once again, I try to bring you the latest and greatest in medical advancement and therapies!!! Enjoy!

The Quest for the perfect Jager drink!

As most of my friends know, I am a big fan of Jagermeister. That black velvety goodness that tastes so good going down, and gives so much back in return, has never let me down. However, lately, I have had a desire to expand my Jager experience. I've done Jager Bombs (Jager + Redbull), mixed Jager shots (i.e., Jager and Goldschlager, otherwise known as a Screaming Nazi), and Jager with other shots. But my new quest is to find the perfect Jagermeister cocktail. This might take some time, and quite a bit of experimentation, but I am confident that my quest will be a successful one. If Dr. Tiki and the crew can find something to mix with Ouzo (I refer you to Tiki Bar TV episode #18, Greeki Tiki), then I am sure Jagermeister can be complemented with other ingredients. I will employ the mixing powers of everyone on the planet I can, even having reached out to Johnny Johnny to use his enormous bartending powers in creating the perfect Jager cocktail.

I will keep a log of my quest, and publish my findings in future posts. Wish me luck...at the very least, I am in for some very drunken times....

Damned time change

This time change has already affected me!! How come no one tells the dogs that a time change has occurred? My two dogs, whom already were getting up at 4:30 am to go for their morning "business", are now getting up at 3:30 am!!! My damned Yorkie insists on jumping on the bed, licking my face until I wake up, and then, once she gets a little loving, goes back to sleep....I'm WIDE awake, and the little bitch is fast asleep next to me. And God forbid I move....oy....all hell breaks loose! So now I am walking around like a zombie, because I have gotten a total of about 2 hours sleep, and am pouring coffee into me like water, pissing like a racehorse on steroids, and still not any more awake....its going to be a LONG day....

Lesson of the day.....go to bed earlier!!!! LOL...

I suck!!!

Man, do I suck!!! Every time I say I am going to keep up with this stuff, I always go ahead and let things like work get in the way and use that as an excuse as to why I have been SO lackadaisical with my blogging. In the end, I have no real excuse....so, I thought I'd write something, no matter how crappy, just to say I did something!!!

Now I'm off to play some ball while the weather is nice, and I can still get some outdoor basketball in!!!

More tomorrow!!!

The Return to the Blog

Yes...I have been woefully neglectful of this little blog of mine. Is it a big deal? Obviously not....this is mainly for me anyway, right? If someone reads this and enjoys it, awesome!!! If not...well, thats ok, too! But its a sad state of affairs when I let other things in my life overwhelm me even to the point where I don't take 2 minutes every now and again to write down some of my thoughts, and do something for myself, and do something I enjoy.

So, once again, I PLAN on writing more often...maybe even hit on an entertaining thought or two that might be interesting, or maybe just feel better about sharing some happy thought or crappy ones too....With that being said, I will start to write more, mainly because it helps me and my mindset....

Exercise over drinking?

I have been extremely busy at work lately, and have barely had time to pee, let alone keep up with this blog, and other various extracurricular activities...I have even thought about catheterizing myself during working hours so I don't have to waste time by going to the bathroom during the day.....

Lately, I have had this God-awful trend of choosing basketball and sports over...GASP!....drinking! Yes...its true...very true! Don't know whats causing this latest folly in my life...maybe relieving the stress of the long hours at work, the increasing pressure works bring as I accumulate more responsibility....the few pounds I have put on for various reasons....whatever combination of reasons, I find myself now playing basketball again deep into the nite, several nites a week, and coming home too tired and sore to do anything else but shower, rehydrate and sleep......of course, there are several benefits to this recent practice:

1. The waistline is whipping back into shape nicely
2. The blood pressure is wonderfully healthy
3. I don't feel like kicking anyone's ass at work
4. My bank book is a little fatter (not spending all those bucks on booze)
5. My liver is beginning to regenerate

Now, of course, never fear! I will continue to imbibe (How can anyone give up the dark goodness of Jagermeister?)...but just not as often.....

It sucks being too busy....

Ugh....I looked at the last time I posted in this blog, and realized its been a while! It sucks when life is too busy....too much work...too many personal problems...trying to get back in proper physical shape (which one has gotten out of because of too much work....and now spending more time getting back INTO shape...), dealing with family, studying...writing...etc....

Because of that, I have decided to commit at least a few minutes daily to write into this space on the internet again. Its not that many read it...but its my own personal space and thoughts, and its important to me to say something....even if only I read it...with that being said, this is my post for today....it sucks, but its there!!!

Oh...and look hopefully for a new podcast done by my friends and I coming soon...called "Ask the drunken doctor".....should be fun with lots of very bad, drunken advice....

An ode to old movies...the best part of being sick!

Ok...so I've had this horrible summer flu (at least I hope its just the flu!), but one of the best parts about convalescing is allowing myself the guilty pleasure of catching up on my old movies. I am a big fan of the black and whites, as well as most Westerns from the 1940s and 50s. In my humble opinion, they do not make movies like they did back then. It is amazing to watch films like Casablanca, Double Indemnity, The Lost Weekend, Broken Lance, The Heiress, anything John Wayne, and on and on and on, of course, ending with perhaps the greatest movie of all time, Citizen Kane. To watch how these films are crafted, written, how the plots play out....is just breathtaking to watch! And as a testament to how great these movies were, just look at how many are remade or copied today!!!

Of course, one of the best sources for these movies, besides going out and buying them, is the Turner Classic Movie cable channel . They show nonstop classic movies, with theme nights (last night they showed all Billy Wilder movies!). They also boast a terrific website that gives great insight and information into these classics! Getting to watch these movies almost made me forget how sick I felt, as I tend to get so involved in the storylines, even in movies I have seen many times before!!

So...if you are in the mood to spend some quality time watching a good movie, sick or not, either turn on TCM, go to the video store or your local library, and pick up one of these classics to take home and watch...you won't regret it!

What next?????

Ok...I think I am going to continue with the theme of outrageous medical therapies. Now, once again, I need to give a big thanks to great friend of mine (Thanks T!!) for pointing out this website to me: Lasik@Home , where the opthalmologist who started the business, sells you the equipment to do your own lasik surgery at home!!! Lasik stands for Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis (LASIK), where the opthalmologist makes radial cuts in the eye to correct your vision so that you no longer have to wear glasses. When the procedure first came out many years ago, doctors used to charge many thousands of dollars for the procedure, but, as the pool of patients needing the procedure has dissipated, the cost has continued to drop. However, even as the technology has improved, it continues to require the precise, accurate use of a laser in the hands of a well-trained physician.

Now, here comes this opthalmologist who wants to sell you a kit to do your own laser surgery at home!! The key to the kit is the Scal-Pal™ Scanning Adjusting Laparascopic Personal Laser (see the photo above!). This is a hand held laser so you can perform your own laser correction surgery!!! Included with the kit is not only the laser, but also a sedative, no blink eyedrops and instruction manual!!!! This can all be done in four easy steps !!!
Basically, you look for a quiet place, use your drops, point the laser to your eye, and pull the trigger. Of course, the most important thing is NOT TO BLINK!!!! And what does all this little miracle cost? A MERE $99.95!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now for that price, isn't it worth a shot????

Now I can just see this scenario...you finally decide to take the plunge and try doing your own home LASIK surgery. You find a nice quiet place...you set up the laser...you hold it to your eye...you pull the trigger...and BAM!!..the dog starts barking...you slip...and end up in the ER with seared eyeball.....

Of course, the website has a heart: "LASIK@Home is committed to bringing clear vision to those less fortunate. We encourage you to donate your old eyeglasses to your local school, Lions Club, or other charity." If they were so concerned, maybe they should throw a few kits to their way???

Home laser eye surgery....its not for the faint of heart or hand....so I ask again....what's next???

Urine Therapy....wtf?

A Russian colleague of mine (ok...yes...he is a newly American citizen....so must give him his props) introduced me to a website. He prefaced this introduction by telling me...only in Russia....it is a website from the Moscow Institute for Urine Therapy, a medical clinic in promoting the use of urine for medicinal purposes. Now my Russian is pretty crappy these days, so my friend translated it for me, and I use babelfish for a rough, and mind you, rough translation of the webpages (which actually makes it that much more "interesting", since a lot of the translation is a bit shaky!)The institute is actual called the Urine Institute, with the subtitle "to avoid the doctor's scalpel". But this website claims that they can use urine therapy to cure various ailments that conventional medicine fails at helping. They claim that their urine therapy can be used for upper respiratory ailments, libido, Alzheimer's, fitness, back ailments,etc! You name it, urine therapy can cure it!

They make the following statement about their urine:

"The urine, which we sell - truly Russian urine. Under the thorough control passes the selection of candidates for the blood donation - it is carried out genetic examination, checking by the genealogical through the Public Archives, the numerous interviews and the consultations of psychologist - we everything do for this reason the buyers of our urine would be being absolutely assured in the fact that precisely our product rightfully was worthy to be called Russian urine."

This, of course, makes me feel a lot better about using their products!

Click here to see their product page. As an example, they have a product called "sea breeze":



"sea breeze"

It possesses unique taste and aroma; the unique formula of cleaning; over steadfast therapeutic effect; it is rekomendovan for the preventive maintenance of the diseases of the upper respiratory tract; to 80% more effective than traditional medicinal analogs. (see the bottle on the right!)

The amazing thing to me is, after researching it further, apparently urine therapy is a lot more widespread than I ever imagined! For a nice overview, see the Wikipedia entry on the subject of urine therapy! Of the links on this website, the most comprehensive, if you want to truly learn more about urine therapy, is a neat compendium done by Vanderbilt University. It seems that there are actually quite a few proponents of urine therapy as part of the alternative medicine world.

So...if you ain't feeling quite right...give urine therapy a try! And if you like it, remember, there are franchise opportunities out there for you if you so choose!!!!

Walking with my iPod

A few years ago, I discovered the joys of walking. I had done hardcore running for years, but, between that and all the basketball I play, I found that my knees were starting to hate me terribly for all the abuse. Since I didn't want to give up basketball, I decided to give walking a try, and I fell in love! Ok, so it seems you have to walk twice as long to gain the same benefits as running, but studies show that walking does indeed provide almost as good a positive cardiovascular effect for the body, as well as MUCH less wear and tear on the joints and spinal cord. Plus, there is something to be said for being able to really sit and experience one's environment while walking that goes by much too fast when running! For instance, how this time of year there are so many baby squirrels, birds and geese in my neighborhood, as well as all the new flowers and leaves blooming. It is a constant reminder of how amazing Mother Nature can be! To that end, I walk daily, sometimes multiple times a day, probably putting in a good 4-6 miles a day. Recently, I have begun to seek out trails and hiking paths in my area, and my future goals are to plan my vacations around various hiking paths throughout the country.

The thing I love to do when I walk is just put my iPod in my ears and go!!! Its amazing how much inner peace I can achieve while walking with just the right music. I get a lot of thinking done, and have always been able to use my walks to help calm the demons that sometimes plaque my mind...whether it be problems at work or home or just about anything in my life. But what probably amazes me most of all is when I am in a mood that I cannot seem to find the right music to play. This always frustrates me considering I have almost 3000 tunes on my iPod from almost every type of music (ok...admittedly heavier on the Beatles and the Grateful Dead...long live Jerry!!). It seems like just as I find the right song, my walk is over (it has happened more than once!!).

So...if you ever want to experience a nice, healthy, low stress form of exercise, I highly recommend walking. Not only for the health benefit, but for the peace of mind a nice, leisurely walk can sometimes bring. And while you are walking, don't forget to experience the world around you!

Basketball again!

One thing about me is that I have always been a baskeball junkie. I have been playing since I was 7 years old (so that makes....a long time!), and still get as much of a thrill out of playing now as I did 20 years ago. I still get that tingle of excitement stepping out onto the court, warming up with jumpshots, and then the actually playing of the game. I have always preferred pickup games to organized leagues...out on the playground, you referee your own games, you can make the games as physical as you want, and there is a camaraderie in those games that aren't found in a more organized setting. The pickup game is played for the love of the game, and nothing more (well..yes..the exercise, but thats a given!). There are no trophies, no championships, just pure ball. And the best part is that if you lose, you know you will be playing again within a few minutes, or immediately if multiple games are going on at the playground, with a new team that might be a better mix of players.

So, why write about all this? Because I had stopped playing for several months because I was too busy at my new hospital. But the desire to play, the need for the physical release, and the growing belly all spurred me on to say, "Fuck it! Its time to play ball again!" And so, the other day, I ventured out again to my "temple"-- the basketball courts at the local playgrounds...to play once more. Although I ended up playing mainly with high schoolers young enough to be my sons, I sort of...kind of held my own...actually managed to win a game or two...and, three hours later, finished with a few hugs and high fives, and, most importantly, with the return of a very warm feeling inside. Of course...don't ask about the morning after...thats an entirely different story!!!

A Homeless story

A good friend of mine wrote in his blog the other day about his experience with the homeless where he lives, and it reminded me of a story of my encounter with a particular homeless man. I did my residency at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, which is located in the Washington Heights section of NYC. In this area, especially around the hospital, are quite a few homeless. When I used to leave the parking garage to head home over the George Washington Bridge, I used to go out of along the Riverside Drive exit. There, at the corner of Riverside Drive and 165th Street, I used to encounter the same homeless man, who was equipped with a squeegy, pail and towel. He would try to wash everyone's windows who's cars were stopped at the light. Although most people would shoo him away, I always let him clean my windows, and would always give him a dollar or two. After a while, we actually developed a repoire, and would end up having some small talk...he would always ask how my day went at the hospital, tell his plans for getting his life back together after sharing how it fell apart, etc. After a while, I actually looked forward to our chats. And then one day, he absolutely shocked me by refusing to take my money anymore, and would insist on cleaning my windows for free. He told me how our conversations, and the kindness I showed him meant more to him than any money I could give him...

This touched me so very deeply; maybe because it showed me that there is goodness and a humanness in everyone, and that the simple act of showing some kindness to one's fellow man can lift you so spiritually, that words fail to explain the feeling it brings inside. I obviously lost touch with him after completing my residency, and I always have hoped he got his life back together. But the feelings our encounters brought me will stay with me a lifetime!!

Bitching already!

Okay...I hate to start out a new blog by bitching, but I must vent for a few today. Have you ever worked with someone who is the antithesis of a team player? I am sure you have all worked with such a person. There is a particular co-worker that has taken to screwing us to an art form. Here, at the hospital where I work, Wednesday and Thursdays are our busiest days. We have this one guy who always manages to find an excuse to call out at least twice a month, ALWAYS on a Wednesday or a Thursday. Why Wednesday...again..it is overwhelmingly busy....why Thursday? Its always the Thursday before a weekend that he has to cover. Why not Friday? Because taking off a Friday before a covering weekend is automatic grounds for suspension.

I have worked at my current position for a little under 6 months, and he has already called out eight (thats 8) times. Some of his excuses:

1. My car broke down and I need to take it to the shop
2. My child had an asthma attack last night and I just got back home (mind you..he has a stay at home wife)
3. My uncle in Pakistan died (I have been told by my co-workers that his uncles have died three times now!!)
4. My wife is sick and I have to stay home to help take care of the kids (only one is still home and her mother lives with them)
5. I have a bad stomach flu, but will definitely be in tomorrow!!!

Ok...you get the picture. Feel free to use any of these excuses if you need to call in sick and screw your co-workers. I am done bitching now, I have a boatload of work to do!!!

What is this all about?

Why did I do this? I don't really know. I was sitting here at lunch, eating my sandwich, having an energy drink, and pondering my life...career...etc...and after having some rather unpleasant things happen in my life, like a dear friend getting sick, a colleague at work having a family member die very young, thinking about how my job isn't anywhere near what I signed up for, the intense seriousness of my other blog, I decided I needed to do something that is just absolutely mindless and fun.

Hence...JustHarmless and his stuff. What am I going to do here? I haven't got a clue, but I suppose that is the fun of doing something like this. Its fun to have a place with little structure, except to post, little set content except whatever strikes my fancy that particular day....just a place for me to be just harmless (sure!!!)

Anyway.....off we go......